You're Having Our Baby
by SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot
Summary: Kurt and Blaine are having a baby thanks to Rachel's uterus. This is the story of their firstborn baby girl's birth.


**I was searching for inspiration and then suddenly Rachel was pregnant and everyone was happy. Please note that I know nothing about NYC, taxi cabs, or childbirth, so if something's unrealistic, just go with it and leave me some concrit for next time.**

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"I am the size of a fucking house," Kurt heard Rachel grumble from his place in the kitchen of his and Blaine's apartment. "Remind me why I'm doing this again?"

"Because Blaine and I are your best friends in the whole world and you love us sooooo much?" Kurt replied jokingly as he walked into the living room where Rachel was plunked down like a beached whale on the couch, mugs in hand.

"I didn't realize your child would be proficient at tap-dancing _in the womb, _asshole," Rachel complained more, making grabby hands for the cup full of vegan hot chocolate she'd begged Kurt to make her 'in exchange for turning myself into an incubator for your spawn.' Pregnancy made her cranky and prone to cursing, they'd found out. Kurt handed over her mug before lifting her legs off the couch so he could sit, too, dropping them on his lap once he was settled.

"She's the combined product of our genetics, Rachel, did you really expect anything less?" Kurt asked rhetorically, leaning forward to grab the DVD player's remote off the coffee table. Rachel had also coerced him into watching _Funny Girl _for the millionth time. _What's she going to do when she can't capitalize off this pregnancy anymore? _he mused as he hit play.

"...I suppose you have a point there," she sniffed, curling her legs up a bit and snuggling down into the pillow she had supporting her back. "I'd be discouraged if she wasn't a dancer, honestly."

"Blaine and I are going to raise her and she's half you, Rach, her first words are probably going to be a goddamn Streisand lyric," he replied, taking a sip of his full-dairy hot chocolate. Making two styles was a pain in the ass, but he'd learned the hard way that Rachel's brand tasted like liquidized pencil shavings. _I should check and see if they've restocked that bow tie at Brooks Brothers so Blaine might finally forgive me._

While Kurt was making that mental note, Rachel started squirming in his lap. "Rach, do you need to pee or something? And can you please not kick me in the balls while doing so?"

"No, Kurt, something feels- I think I need help getting up, actually," she responded, lifting her legs a bit so he could get out. After pushing them up some more, Kurt stood and bent to grab Rachel's elbows to hoist her up.

"Ohmygod, what's that?" he asked once she was upright, noticing a good size wet splotch on the dark upholstery of his couch where Rachel had been planted. "Did you spill your drink?"

"No, Kurt, I think- I think my water broke," she stuttered. "That's why I was squirming; I thought I'd wet myself." She sounded panicked, and Kurt didn't feel a whole lot calmer once he'd processed what she said.

"Ohmygod. _Ohmygod. _Rachel! You're like three weeks early! We've got to get you to the hospital!" Kurt tried to not shriek those words, but he didn't have much luck. "God, and of course Blaine's got a late rehearsal today since the show opens in two weeks!"

"That's not the biggest issue right now, Kurt!" Rachel shrilled, starting to waddle over to the entryway. "Right now we need to get in a cab and go before I deliver this baby on the floor of your fucking apartment!" She slipped her shoes on and grabbed her coat at a speed that should have been impossible for a heavily pregnant woman before turning back to him. "Kurt, if you don't get over here and out this door in the next thirty seconds I'm telling them to name your child Maleficent!"

Kurt broke out of his stunned panic and bolted over to the door, stepping into Blaine's outsize loafers and throwing his coat on before wrenching the door open with one hand and death-gripping Rachel's arm in the other. "Don't you even _joke _like you have the right to name my baby, Berry," he hissed as they hurried down the hall to the elevator. Thankfully, it was already at their floor.

Once they got downstairs and out of the elevator, Kurt stopped for a second. "Rachel, wrap your arms around my neck."

"Wh-" Rachel's stunned look would be something Kurt would laugh at in the future, but at the time he had other priorities.

"Just _do it_," he gritted out. Once she listened, he squatted down to grab her waist and lifted her into his arms, grunting a little once she was fully airborne.

"Kurt, what are you _doing_?" she asked, kicking her feet out a bit, making him resettle his grip before answering.

"It's gonna be easier to get you in a cab if we're not waiting for you to get across this wet floor," he responded, a bit out of breath. Kurt knew he was strong enough to lift a non-pregnant Rachel after years of working together, but the additional baby weight made her almost too much for him. "So I'm going to fulfill every rom-com cliché and carry you out." He'd been walking while giving his response, so he'd made it across the lobby of his apartment building and to the doorway by the time he finished.

"My hero," Rachel mock-swooned, waving at the doorman as they passed his station on their way out the door.

"Don't get used to it," Kurt grumbled playfully back. "Would you mind hailing the cab? My arms are a little full." Rachel shot him a joking glare before throwing her arm out at the first passing cab she saw. It stopped a few feet to the right of them, and Kurt almost had to hip-check a businessman out of the way before he realized it was for them. Rachel opened the door, and he set her in the cab, shaking his arms out for a second before sitting next to her.

"St. Luke's Hospital, please, and step on it!" Kurt told the driver. "She's in labor!"

The cab couldn't go fast enough for Kurt. The hospital was only a few blocks away from Kurt and Blaine's small Lincoln Square apartment, but it felt like it was back in Ohio. Finally, they pulled up to the emergency entrance. Kurt swiped his credit card as fast as possible and hustled Rachel out of the cab and into the building.

Getting her registered was a blur, thanks to the combination of adrenaline and panic floating through his veins. He remembered Rachel shouting a lot and the nurse thrusting reams of forms into their hands, and then somehow they were in the obstetrics unit and he was outside Rachel's room repeatedly dialing Blaine's cell.

"Pick up pick up pick up- voicemail. Dammit, Blaine, why must the one time you step away from your phone be the one time I really need you to answer?" Kurt shouted at his phone, pulling it away from his ear to give it an exasperated glare. "There's supposed to be a snowstorm coming and- oh, you're calling me!" He tapped the answer button.

"Kurt, baby, why do I have fifteen missed calls from y-" was as far as Blaine got before Kurt started yelling back at him.

"Rachel's in labor and we're at St. Luke's and you're not and you need to get here _right now oh my God Blaine our baby's coming!_" he let out in one breath. "...Blaine?"

Blaine must have lowered the phone without ending the call, because suddenly Kurt could hear him shouting "I'M GOING TO BE A FATHER OH MY GOD I'VE GOT TO GO!" There was the sound of thudding footsteps and a heavy door being pushed open before Blaine got back on the line. "Baby, I'm on my way. It's already snowing a little, so I'll be there as soon as I can. Go take care of Rachel!"

Kurt hit 'end call' and strode into Rachel's room. She was having her dilation checked by a small, blonde nurse, but stretched her hand out to Kurt when she noticed Kurt had come in. The nurse turned her head and looked to see who was there.

"Oh, you must be Mr. Berry. Aren't you so excited to see your little princess?" she chirped out, smiling happily at Kurt. He looked at her in shock and turned to Rachel, who looked like she was about to vomit. They spoke at once.

"We're not married, he's gay." "Oh dear God no, I would _never _be able to marry her."

"I'm so sorry!" the nurse said, standing up and removing her gloves. "I just assumed since you were so frantic that you were with her!"

"She's my husband's and my surrogate," Kurt told the nurse. "We've been best friends since high school."

"That's awesome! Oh God, my husband's going to tease me so much for this when I get off my shift later. I'm Bethany, by the way," she responded, sticking her hand out to shake.

"Kurt Anderson-Hummel, and that's Rachel Berry, as you well know. How far is she?" Kurt shook Bethany's hand and then walked over to hold Rachel's.

"She's about four centimeters, so almost halfway there!" Bethany said on her way to the door. "I'll be back in a few minutes to check again, so just get comfortable. I left some ice chips in that cup on your nightstand if you get thirsty or hot, Rachel!"

Kurt watched Bethany leave before facing Rachel. "How are you feeling, Rach?"

"It's not too- oh God, no, that hurt," Rachel said, face screwing up in pain and hand squeezing Kurt's. "I can't imagine what the big contractions will feel like if these ones already hurt."

"I'm so sorry, honey," Kurt smoothed Rachel's hair down while he talked to her. "Would you like an ice chip?"

"I'd _like _hard drugs, but I'll settle for an ice chip."

The next half hour or so passed like that, with Kurt and Rachel alternately bickering and soothing each other through contractions (for Rachel) and bouts of worry about Blaine (for Kurt). Bethany had come in and out to check on Rachel and give her her epidural and told them Rachel was stalled out at seven centimeters. They were just about to see if they could get TLC on the TV in Rachel's room when they heard a commotion out in the hall.

"Kurt? Rachel? Baby? Anyone?" Blaine's voice came wafting in, sounding more panicked than Kurt had ever heard him, including the time when Blaine thought he'd lost all of his hair gel in the move from Ohio to Bushwick almost eight years ago. Kurt extracted himself from Rachel's grip and stepped out into the hall.

"Blaine!" he called, waving his arms slightly. Blaine was down at the opposite end of the hallway, having come in from the regular entrance and not the emergency room like Kurt and Rachel had. Once Blaine noticed him, he started hustling his way down the hall. The next thing Kurt knew, he was being enveloped in a bear hug and spun through the air.

"We're having a baby!" Blaine yelled, right next to Kurt's ear. He kissed Kurt lightly before setting him down.

"Oh my God, did you take uppers before coming in here, B? Get in the room!" Kurt took Blaine's hand and half-led, half-dragged him in Rachel's room. "Why are you all wet?" Kurt grabbed the towel that was also on Rachel's nightstand and started wiping Blaine's shoulders and chest down.

"I ended up running the last five blocks here once my cab got caught behind an accident. It's snowing really hard out there, Kurt," Blaine said, shaking his head in a way reminiscent of a wet dog. "I didn't want to miss the birth of our little girl."

"You adorable, wonderful idiot," Kurt smiled at Blaine before smacking him in the chest lightly. "If you get pneumonia, you can't take care of her!"

"While this is cuter than a puppy shitting a rainbow, I'm kind of in pain over here!" Rachel interrupted before breaking off into a cross between a moan and a scream. Kurt and Blaine hurried over to either side of her bed, Kurt on her right by the door and Blaine on her left by the window. They each took one of her hands.

"Should we call for the doctor, Rach? It must be almost time," Blaine fretted, pacing as far as Rachel's arm would stretch before walking back.

"Bethany? Dr. Paulsen?" Kurt stepped away from Rachel again to call out the door. Rachel's obstetrician, Dr. Paulsen, came in, snapping on some gloves and telling Rachel to bend and spread her legs.

"She's at ten centimeters. It's go time. Start pushing, Rachel," Dr. Paulsen informed them. Bethany walked into the room right at that time, ready for action.

Normally, Kurt would have to judge the capability of any person who used the phrase "go time" to describe childbirth, but the vise grip Rachel was suddenly putting on his hand distracted him. He could see Blaine looking similarly pained across from him.

"I...hate...both of you!" Rachel screamed, looking like every possessed girl from the horror movies Kurt only watched under protest.

"Wait, why do you hate me?" Blaine asked. "Kurt's the one who knocked you up!"

"Thanks, sweetheart, I love you too," Kurt shot back, mockingly offended.

"You...let him...knock me up, Blaine Anderson-Hummel...and for that I hate you!" Rachel spit out in between grunts from her contractions.

"I can see a head! Keep going, Rachel, she's almost out!" called Dr. Paulsen from his spot in between Rachel's legs.

"Did you hear that, Rach? You're almost free of our spawn," Kurt teased, regretting it a little bit when Rachel squeezed his hand even harder in retaliation.

"Not...possibly...soon enough!" she groaned.

"Aaaaand...she's out!" Dr. Paulsen announced. "Who wants to cut the cord?"

"She's yours biologically, Kurt. You want to let her loose, baby?" Blaine asked, smiling beatifically.

Kurt could only nod, mind whirring with fear that he'd drop his daughter or accidentally cut her. He walked down to the end of Rachel's bed as if on auto-pilot and took the scissors from Bethany. Slowly, he walked toward Dr. Paulsen and cut the cord as close to his squalling, bright red baby girl's stomach as he dared.

Bethany swooped up and took her once she was free. "I'll go clean her up and get her stats real quick, and then she's all yours, Daddy," she told him before exiting.

"Daddy. I like it," Kurt said to himself dazedly, though not very softly.

"I do, too," said Blaine, walking down to where Kurt was and moving them both away from Rachel so the doctor could help her deliver the placenta.

"We have a little girl, Blaine!" Kurt squealed, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.

Blaine hugged Kurt tightly before responding. "I know, Kurt, I'm so happy!" They kissed deeply, losing track of time until someone clearing their throat in the doorway snapped them out of it.

"I have a present for you, daddies!" Bethany sang out, holding out their daughter. Kurt took her and cradled her, feeling Blaine wrap himself around Kurt from behind and peek over his shoulder.

"Hi, little girl," Blaine said quietly. "We're your daddies, and we already love you so very much."

"Blaine, I think I know the right name for her," Kurt said, not looking away from their baby, with her deep brown hair and light skin.

"Shoot," said Blaine.

"Elena," was Kurt's simple response.

"Elena," Blaine echoed. "Elena Beth, maybe?"

"_Yes_, Blaine, that's perfect!" Kurt exclaimed softly, trying not to wake the baby. "Do you like that, baby girl?"

The baby twitched her mouth up slightly in her sleep as though smiling at her daddies.

"I think she likes it, Kurt," Blaine smiled.

"Here, you hold onto her for a while, B," Kurt smiled back, turned around, and held out Elena. "You never know when she's going to wake up and need to nurse."

Blaine cradled Elena and took a slight step back so she wouldn't get crushed between them. "She's the most beautiful baby in the world."

"That's because the combination of Kurt's and my genetics is impeccable, thank you very much," spoke up Rachel from across the room. They turned to look at her and noticed that the doctor had cleared out. "Can I see her?"

Blaine started walking over to Rachel with Kurt trailing, not wanting to be too far away from his newborn girl. "This is your Auntie Rachel, Elena," Blaine cooed. "She brought you into this world for your daddy and me, and we couldn't be more thankful."

Kurt was about to add to the thanks when a wail came from Elena. "Sounds like someone's hungry," giggled Rachel, reaching out for the baby. When she had Elena snuggled close, she pulled the front of her hospital gown down to let Elena drink.

"Oh God, Rachel, we already got accused of being married today, did you really have to flash me your boob on top of it?" Kurt groaned playfully, covering his eyes with his hands.

"Wait a minute, _what _happened?" asked Blaine, looking from Rachel to Kurt and back again. "I missed a lot by not being around for Tuesday Movie Night, didn't I?"

Kurt and Rachel grinned at each other conspiratorially. "Let's drag some chairs over and sit down, B," Kurt said. "It's kind of a long story."


End file.
